unknown attitude/urge to argue

Gosh I just can't seem to get a break. I'm really snappy or I have to 'be right' but I hate when I do it and I try to prevent it from happening but it doesn't end. ofc i apologize because it's right and I never want to make someone feel shitty because of me. anyway I feel really annoyed with myself. I make jokes (that I don't realize) that bring me down. like I feel like with me I'll loose someone who means so much? why am I so fucking dumb. why can't I just be a sweetheart 24/7 and not argue ever. why am I so sensitive and cry over bs. I'm so tired of me. no wonder I don't have friends and I get dirty looks. I try my best to be polite but when I have a random attitude all hell breaks loose. mood: kinda want to cry/punch something/drink some alcohol.