Falling apart 😞

I just feel like I can't keep this up. I have an amazing daughter and a son on the way, and I have a great husband... but everything inside me is falling apart.

My anxiety is at an all time high, where whenever I sleep I dream of my husband leaving me or betraying me, and he shows no sympathy. And I know it's a dream, but I suffer from intrusive thoughts, so to me, it becomes more than that. I fear losing him so badly that I find myself going insane. I love him and I feel like I too often get stuck in a rut from my intrusive thoughts that he is going to leave. That I'm going to lose him.

And I just cry when I look at my daughter. I love her but I feel like I'm not good enough. My intrusive thoughts extend to her and I find myself just wanting to not deal with this anymore. I wouldn't say I want to die. But I don't enjoy existing. I hate living. Being alive is so painful and agonizing, I look at my life around me and feel lost.

My depression, anxiety and intrusive thoughts are consuming me. I sob alone in a room at night to not wake anyone. I just feel like I can't do this anymore.