Trigger warning : when does it get better ?

I was raped by my ex boyfriend at a party one night. I got pregnant from that night with two beautiful angels.

After finding out , I found out by doctors I was 50% going to lose them and lose myself. ( at the time I was only 95 pounds) I had a daughter who was 2 and I couldn’t risk her losing her mom so my doctors gave me a medical abortion.

I haven’t been able to love myself and love my family to the fullest ever since.

It’s been 3 years since and my heart is still so terribly broken.

Does anyone else have a story where the sweet angels couldn’t be on earth and how are you coping with it ? My baby fever has been so bad lately but I know the second I get pregnant I will be a bigger mess ...