To the ex-boyfriend who raped me

I need you to know how much you changed my life. How you have caused me daily pain because of the flashbacks that race through my mind. How I used to flinch when my current boyfriend touched my wrists or hips. How my family now thinks I’m weak. The first thing my mother told me when I confessed to her a year after you ravaged my body was “you probably gave him mixed signals. It’s probably your fault.” I didn’t tell anyone after that. Not even my therapist. For months I couldn’t trust my current boyfriend—and now fiancé—because of what you did. I couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t cheat on me after raping me like you. I still feel like a stranger in my own home. I hate going downstairs and seeing that room. My parents think I’m too lazy to use the treadmill, but in reality it’s because every time I walk down there I see what you did playing in my mind like a movie. After all of this pain I finally told my fiancé and he held me for hours while I bawled. I let out every painful feeling I’d felt for 2 years and not been able to say. Now I know how I should be treated by a man. I should be treated with respect and never have a day go by where I don’t feel absolutely loved and cherished. My fiancé showed me that and still does. You may have placed a wall in front of me for a while, but that wall is broken down now, and it’ll never come back to block me from my happiness again.