U Kno it's really hard out here.

I feel like expressing myself so please don't judge me right now. U Kno it's really hard out here now days. Like finding a job. I have filled out over 30 applications n I get job interviews but they r not enough money to even waist my time. like split shifts I can't do that. N only working for 15-29 hrs I can't do that either. I really really wish something good would come my way. I am a mother of 7 kids going on 8 now. N it's hard when ur kids ask u y they can't get a certain thing it's because I don't have the money for it n it kills me inside, like I'm a peice of shit mother (excuse my language). I always always think of my kids before my self. I would think of what they need even if it means for me to go without. Yea I get food stamps n yes I got them this month but they gave it to us early n we walk everywhere n it goes fast when u can't get to the store to actually shop. I'm jus scared of not being a good mom to my kids. They ask for things n jus right now they can't get it. Jus like hubby works but it's only enough to pay rent n we r behind on that so she asks his to give her his check. When we clearly need things to. We had to do a Christmas program this year cause there is no way we r gonna be able to get them what they want. N it's embarrassing. I Kno my kids aren't gonna sit here n tell me they r mad at me cause they can't get something but they don't have to sit there n say that I can clearly see I'm failing them as a mother.