TTC After Miscarriage.. Rant...

So me and my S.O been TTC and we recently had a miscarriage......every month i hope that my sore swollen boobs are signs of pregnancy... or my nausea... cravings... etc.... AF is suppose to show her ugly face 11/9 and i haven't had any cramping like usual just nausea cravings sore swollen boobs and mood swings.... i took 2 tests one on 11/4 looked like a vvvfp and then one today 11/5 but looked neg..... i have 3 test left but im so emotionally drained and sick of seeing them be negs..... i want my rainbow baby so bad... part of me feels so empty even though i have other kids and love them so much. sense my miscarriage i just feel a spot of me is missing... and i want to get pregnant again so bad...... idk what else to do.. was going to try preseed next cycle if AF does show up. i been taking my prenatals daily also.. i just dont know what to do anymore... i am just ready to give up..... sorry for the rant i just have no one to talk to and i need to pretend im happy everyday and stay strong for my kids..... im just almost to that breaking point... 💔💔💔💔