Am I a horrible person?

Question

Soo... I’ve been feeling pretty depressed since my husband and I have been ttc and I found out I have PCOS. It’s been a roller coaster to say the least. 
My best friend came up for a wedding and stayed with us. I hadn’t told her much of the baby stuff since I didn’t want to overload her the few times that we are able to talk fully. But when we had talked I could tell she was keeping something from me and would ask her if she was okay. I was having dreams about her... it was seriously weird. 
she arrives and gives me a card with a sonogram photo. She is 15 weeks pregnant. I was in complete shock. I congratulated her and her husband and then he starts to tell me how they got it on the first try and she found out at 4 weeks after only being late by one day!
And, I can’t get over it. I couldn’t be completely happy for her, even now and it’s been 2 weeks since she told me. I know I was feeling a bit jealous. Or maybe a lot jealous but also kind of hurt that she hadn’t mentioned anything about it to me. It’s such a big moment and we used to share everything!! 
I’m feeling so horrible because I know it’s immature to have these feelings. I shouldn’t feel jealous of my best friends pregnancy. It doesn’t help that literally 5 of my friends are pregnant right now. Although none of the others really got to me the way hers did. Every woman’s body is different. I just don’t know what to do to get over it and be normal with my friend again.  
I feel like a horrible friend

Answer

Nope,I feel the same way. We have been trying for almost three years. And in that time my sister has had one healthy baby and is pregnant again with her second. My best friend also just had a baby(her fourth, which she conceived the first month)I’m happy for them but secretly hate them for it and am very jealous. It’s not fair. So no you are not a bad person. I think it’s normal to feel that way

Answer

Youre not a horrible person. One of my best friends has been trying for over a year and was recently diagnosed with PCOS. She knew we were trying but it didnt make telling her our news any easier when it only took is a few months.
I know shes happy for us, but i was also by her side when she heard the news of every other recent pregnancy and know how much it stings each time. 
Whenever she tells me about how guilty she feels for feeling upset and jealous of other pregnant women, I remind her she’s going through an extremely hard experience that the majority of people will never fully understand the pain or fear she feels. She has every right to feel how she feels and i think shes still an amazing person despite those feelings.
Youre still amazing too. Just give yourself time to process and accept that its how you feel.

Answer

So, I have PCOS I was diagnosed at 8 and have been living with it and dealing with it for 28 years now. I tried to conceive for my first daughter for over a year. It took a year and some change (and clomid) to make her happen. But while waiting for it to be my turn I had tons of friends pop up pregnant and it is very hard not to be jealous. It is especially hard when it’s a very close friend. In her defense she more than likely wanted to wait for the first trimester to be over before saying anything to you due to fears over loss. 
This time around I noticed that it took me over a year again to get pregnant, but the moment that I found myself pregnant was the moment when I allowed myself to feel happy for all of my friends who were finally pregnant or having their third or fourth. Being positive is the moments when you are really feeling negative allows he blessings to come in. Talk to your friend she probably really wants to share this with you and please tell her how you’re feeling cause she’s probably wondering why you’re being distant.
Hope this helps

Am I a horrible person?

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