Do you keep giving the same advice?

Question

My friend is an a very abusive relationship, physically and mentally. Ugh like she calls me crying about the same situation every damn day and I’m just tired. My advice is just walk away from all of it, I grew up watching my mom get beat and that shit broke my heart so I know how her kids feel. She just wants to stay because she’s scared he’ll kill himself if she leaves him alone. But I’m like so tf what if he kills hisself! (I know that’s heartless) but damn! Who wants to get beat all the fucking time.

This situation stresses me out, I don’t want to be a bad friend and give up on her but I’m tired of giving the same advice everyday and she still stays.

Answer

At some point you have to make the choice to move on from a toxic relationship... The advice your giving her might just be the advice you have to take. You can only help so much before you have to help yourself first and get away from this. especially since you have a history with abuse this could be detrimental for you to hear and be a part of every day. good luck to you both

Answer

Honestly, you don’t need to keep giving her advice at all. Just listen to her and be supportive and let her know you’re always there for her. If you really want to help her, the best thing you can do is keep a journal of every time she calls you about her being abused. Write down the day, the time, and what happened. The day that she ever does leave him or if something ever happens to her, you have all of The incidents recorded for her. That’s what a good friend would do. She’s not ever going to listen to your advice. When she’s done, she’ll be done and not a minute sooner. You also have to understand that it’s a lot harder than you think to leave an abusive situation. There are a lot of mind games that get played and she’s not in the right mindset yet. So when she calls you, Record the events or incidents in a journal, and just commiserate with her and empathize. Say things like “That must be so difficult for you”, “its sad to see you going through this”, “that must really hurt”, “ I can’t believe how strong you are to deal with this constantly”, “ someday you’re going to surprise me and leave him”, “ you’re a good person who doesn’t deserve this”, etc...

Answer

She should be more worried he'll kill her and himself.

Answer

If you keep telling them that their partner is toxic you might end up pushing them away. The best option is just be there and support them. I know it’s stressful cause you care but sometimes it’ll be too much and the partner make guy even flip and tell them you’re wrong. I’ve been in an abusive relationship. I hated when people pressed me to leave him. The best thing was when people would tell me talk about him and just let me vent to them. Getting out of a relationship like that is hard but it’s something the victim has to decide to do themselves. And when she’s scared he’s gonna kill himself that makes it so much harder. It’s not easy, I know you’ve seen your mom go through it but it’s very very different when you are going through it yourself.

Do you keep giving the same advice?

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