Advice?! (Update)

Question

I tried posting but it says "Sorry, the content is too long." I'm sorry in advance for the length here and it might seem a bit disjointed because there's a lot of history here. I hope I'm in the right room! Thank you in advance!

If any of you are still with me you'll be delighted to know that my rant is over, any advice on how to put on my big girl panties and get over it? What would you do?
Update: 
So after asking SIL to ask us for our addresses, BIL contacted DH over Facebook messenger. He said "FSIL and I wanted to know if you would like to be a groomsman".  DH responded with a "that would be nice, when's the wedding?" (Cause he'll still be on deployment for the first half of this year). They said end of June so DH explained he doesn't have a hard date of return yet (he only has when he'll start de-mobilization in the beginning of June) and that he might not be able to be fitted at the same time as the rest of the bridal party depending on when he's stateside but he's more than happy to do all that as soon as he gets back. So BIL just asks when he'll have a date and DH says he doesn't know anything other than the summer until it's passed down the chain of command... 
[Now to clarify, asking for the addresses happens the first week of October (the 9th) and BIL contacting DH was two days later (the 11th).... BIL has not contacted DH since.
Well, apparently last month everyone got their save the dates (including SIL) and we didn't receive anything. Now I'm pretty much content with this since I knew not to expect much and it absolves me from feeling guilty about not wanting to go. But DH... DH is pretty hurt by everything. He felt like his brother should have at least spoken to him directly about it instead of choosing invisible hoops for him to jump through and then punishing him silently for whatever failure. I feel like they keep pulling him back in with these little things and I hate it when he gets hurt like this. What do you think I can say to let my husband know I support him? Thanks in advance!!

Answer

Just because they're family, doesn't mean they are good people or deserve your time.
I would politely decline, and send a card/gift.

Answer

I️ would rsvp no and be done with them

Answer

Long read but definitely worth the popcorn!! 😆 I would absolutely go No Contact. Your husband has chosen you for the rest of your lives, BIL and his FW have to come to terms with that. The decision not to invite family is going to hurt people's feelings, that's it, point blank. They knew that, so they have to own it. Maybe you need to get along with these people for the sake of the family, but if that’s the case, then it’s really on the couple to talk to you directly. The fact that they aren't coming to either of you directly (even asking your SIL for your address and not sending you the STDs), conveniently keeps all the responsibility with them — because technically you don’t know anything STDs and being snubbed by this. Hubby can ask for clarity if he wants to but it seems like both of them are riding pretty high up on that horse (or in this case miniature pony) to give a legitimate excuse. It seems like your BIL and his FW are using their invitations as a way to assert authority over your in law relationships. They are setting the tone for their future relationships with your husband's side. I would see it as they asked SIL so that it would get back to you OR they decided to invite your husband and not you. Since he isn't home right now they aren't wasting their STD and they are thinking you'll have hurt feelings since they don't like you. Also, I would think considering what they've done to SIL she wouldn't be in attendance, if she goes, she's enabling them to act like the snakes they are.

Answer

So I edited this with an update, hopefully I explained myself in a clear enough way, SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR THE LENGTH!!!

Advice?! (Update)

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