... and my boyfriend is such a good man.

I'm on my period currently, and I also have a lot of other stress on me right now, and so BF and I were just hanging out chatting when I started spilling my guts and venting. And he say there and listened for over an hour. Then I get done, and we start having a back and forth again, then he says something that we both disagree on, and all of a sudden, a beautiful night turned sour.

I started arguing with him (shouldn't have, but I hold strong views regarding some things so my first wasn't present), and got so worked up I essentially called him racist in the worst way. The stupid thing is, we're a mixed couple. Even stupider, he used to be racist, but hates that he ever was, and has changed drastically from who he used to be. So I cut him in the worst way just because I lost my cool in an argument that didn't need to happen... Once I said it, I knew... there was a dead silence for what felt like forever, but he responded just by saying I was sick to think that of him. The look on his face shattered me...

We made up, and we're going to see each other tomorrow, so no lasting damage was done. But I still feel so bad... I apologized idk how many times, and bawled. I couldn't believe I said that to him. I didn't even mean it... I just responded without thinking... I'm a terrible girlfriend... I'm so thankful he is patient with me. He's a wonderful man, to take what I throw at him...

Just wanted to share... because keeping it bottled was bringing back all my self hate and self harm thoughts... even he was worried before we parted ways because I got a little morbid... but I'm okay now.