when I was younger I was sexually abused or at least I think I was. I was molested by my cousin. she would eat me out and do things like try and put a dildo inside my butt she would also have me do things with my younger cousins and siblings. from what I remember I was in elementary school but I don't remember what grade. I realized i was molested when I was in sixth grade and the teacher explained it during health. it kind of all came back to me and I remember it happening in the shower most of the time. wed play with dolls and then she'd do that. I remembered it happening at my grandpa's house and at my old house. and I remember that after she started doing it to me I would make my cousins and siblings do it to me. I felt really terrible about this for a long time and it wasn't until recently that my therapist has helped me understand that I'm not a terrible person and I was too young to understand what I was doing. I've always questioned whether any of this really happened or did I just make it all up in my head because I wanted attention or I wanted to be special or something and it just really messes with me. I think it happened. I learned that it felt good to be touched there through that and I think that's how I started masturbating at such a young age. but other than that I don't really have any proof that it happened and it confuses and angers me. I've been dealing with so many issues because of this. I find sex so unappealing because of this and it's affecting my relationship. I feel like sex is dirty and feeling good and turned on is dirty and I can't even enjoy myself. I used to cry after pleasuring myself and I used to feel so dirty and I still feel uncomfortable in my own skin. and now because of this I've started dissociating and things don't feel real sometimes and reality doesn't feel real and it's confusing. I have so much anxiety and so much shit from all of this but I still can't tell if it's real. my therapist thinks I should confront my cousin about this and I want to because I did it with my sister and my mom and it's helped a little, to talk to them about. but I don't wanna confront her and she just tells me I'm a liar and that I made it all up because that's just gonna make everything feel even more confusing and I'm scared because what if it never happened and it's all in my head. then that means my memories aren't trustworthy and I still have all these shitty feelings of anxiety dissociation and disgust with myself and with sex and the world. can someone please just give me some sort of advice. has anyone gone through anything like this. please just help me. it gives me so much anxiety and makes me wanna cry and I don't know what to do