How upset should I be that my husband doesn’t want to go to my family’s thanksgiving???

Question

My husband and I have been married 5 years. Our tradition is to alternate years between our sides of the family for thanksgiving. The last month we’ve been having issues and he doesn’t want to attend. But it’s not new bc he never wants to attend bc he’s not close to my family like I am his. He’s still awkward around them! I feel like he’s being selfish especially since our relationship is so rocky but at the same time I don’t want to force him to go if he doesn’t truly want to go. Idk how to be!!!

Answer

If I wasn’t comfortable around my SO’s family, I would expect him to support me and not be mad if I wasn’t going...

Answer

If i was uncomfortable around my SO's family I'd suck it up and go if it meant a lot to him. Mine isnt all that comfortable yet around my family either but he goes and he makes the effort because its important to me.

Answer

Is he uncomfortable because your family isn’t nice to him? My husbands mom HATES me. She has no reason to not like me. She just doesn’t and has said she has no “specific reason” so when things go on there I don’t usually go - plus I’m never actually invited. The two times my husband convinced me to go bc he wanted me there it was awkward. Her response “oh... I didn’t know you were coming...?” So yea if I chose not to go - he wouldn’t exactly be had and he would understand. My family is extremely nice to him - treat him as their own son, so when he doesn’t want to go I get a little peeved, but my attitude is - if you don’t WANT to go - I don’t want you to go and be miserable and ruin it for me so best you stay home tyle of deal.

Answer

Thanksgiving is a pagan holiday that celebrates the murder of native Indians so why be upset he doesn’t want to go I wouldn’t either

Answer

It wouldn't bother me. But that's only because I don't like my in laws. They piss me off. Just being around them makes me feel shitty.so I never go over there.

Answer

I hate being around my boyfriends family, they are so judgemental, and make snide comments about me being black.. (I dont think they are racist, just make stupid comments)

Answer

I think I would be upset if there was no reason for him to not want to come. Being together that long I’m sure youd love to have him get along with your family and actually want to come with to holidays. Though I kind of see why he wouldn’t want to go if you guys have been rocky, especially since he isn’t close with your family.. But if he doesn’t even want to when you guys are fine that seems a little weird, considering you say that your family loves him and wants him to be around more!!

Answer

This year I decided not to go to my husband’s side of the family because 1.) I have to cook dinner for my side.. & 2.) his family treats me awkwardly.. STILL. Like they’re all really snobby compared to mine. I finally told him I wasn’t comfortable about going (I also have really bad anxiety) and he was upset.. and even tried to talk me in to it.. but I just can’t. I’m not going to volunteer to myself in an awkward situation for HOURS. He wouldn’t like it if it was swapped. So I don’t think it should be that big of a deal. You can’t help If you’re comfortable or not.

How upset should I be that my husband doesn’t want to go to my family’s thanksgiving???

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