Trouble in Paradise

My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. We’re at a point in our relationship where things are starting to get a little rocky and I’m nervous. I’m in need of some positive but helpful advice. What would you do if you were in my shoes? What have you done if you’ve been in this position before?

When we started dating, everything was amazing. We had great chemistry, great sex, great conversation. We both had a background of long term relationships, so when we started dating, I felt like we were both at the same point in our lives where we were looking for something serious.

The first year and a half was great. His family loved me, my family loved him. He even told my Mom he was ring shopping at one point and then our lives forever changed. His mom passed away. The next 6 months were sad. He withdrew from everything. I gave him time and space to grieve. Although everything on the outside looked great, on the inside, I knew he was still hurting. 6 months went by, and he hardly gave me any attention, sexually. We still had great conversation, but things felt different...I brought up the conversation at one point & he shut me down saying he was feeling the burden of life, grief, weight gain, and finances, and he just had a lot on his mind and didn’t feel “in the mood”.

I was patient and gave him more time. I tried to be sexy and seductive and finally, we made some progress. A month later, we found out we were expecting. Surprise! I had never seen him happier! He was thrilled about the idea of becoming a dad. 8 weeks later, I found out we miscarried. It was devastation all over again.

A year later, we’re happy and content, or so I tell myself, but I can count on one hand the number of times we’ve had sex in the past year. What’s a girl to do?! Ever since the miscarriage, all he wants is to start a family, but I’m not ready. He makes me feel like I’m being selfish for wanting life to happen in order; engaged, married, kids. That’s the other thing, he never got around to popping the question after he supposedly told my family he was ring shopping a year and a half ago. Talk about feeling confused...?! I have no idea where his head is at.

I love him more than I’ve ever loved someone in my entire life, but sometimes I just feel so empty inside. I need passion. I need romance. I’m tired of having the conversation that goes nowhere. He’ll acknowledge that he’s been “lazy” in department and will apologize and say, “I’m just not in the mood”. The other thing is when we do have sex, it’s only because he was in the mood. If I’m in the mood and I’m feeling turned on and try to make a move, absolutely nothing will happen. It’s the most frustrating thing ever. Next time he’s in the mood, I just want to look at him and say, “No. Fuck you.” Love is a two way street and he’s selfishly turning it into a one way street.

Am I fighting for something that’s worth fighting for? I want to believe I am, but some days he just makes it so hard for me to keep believing in us.