stuck on him

okay guys, so i met this guy during school a few months back. he’s attractive and sweet, but also an ass. we started hanging out and on the first night he brought me food at work and stayed until i got off. then we went back to my dorm (i hate dorms, they suck but it’s cheap🤷🏽‍♀️) and we cuddled for a while. we almost had sex but he said he couldn’t because he didn’t have a condom and i was like

because i didn’t really wanna be the type to have sex the first night. but he stayed the night and we practically spent the next two weeks together. everyone thought we were dating already so one night we were talking about it and he was like well since everyone’s asking, will you be my girlfriend? and i was like duh. everything was going great and we had a lot of things in common but a few days later i got in a very depressed mood and something was off with him. like his energy wasn’t right and he was barely talking to me so when we went back to his place i was having such bad anxiety about it i cleaned his whole room before he got out the shower. i ended up leaving because i didn’t feel right being over there and he told me the next morning that we weren’t working out and all we had in common was sex. of course i was hurt, but it was only a few days, so i didn’t show that it hurt. after a few weeks we got back to talking to each other (i didn’t feel the need tktalk to him after what happened) and we decided to just be like fuck buddies or friend with benefits. that was all back in october. i still have these super strong feeling for him but idk what to do anymore. we went to a party and i was pretty drunk and upset over different things (fireball makes me friendly, hostile, then emotional😂) and he took me back to his place and made sure i was okay and just let me cry to him about everything. i even told him how much he hurt me. after i was done crying we fucked (because why not?) and i finally gave him head (i never have because i’m super insecure and honestly i don’t like to unless i’m drunk) and then next morning he said it was the best sex we’ve ever had. but that’s pretty much all he said after that night. i know it was a lot to read but idk what to do anymore. i want to be with him but honestly i’m lost about what to do 😕