my best friend

I feel so stupid and selfish and idiotic. just overall I hate myself right now. I'm holding back tears...my best friend just called to tell me she's pregnant. I am beyond happy for her but I can't help but wonder if I'm being selfish because I wish it was me. I miss being pregnant. my son is now almost 9 months old and I miss feeling his kicks I miss him constantly being by my side. I am really happy for her. but I can't be there we live three hours apart from each other and I'm not gonna get to see her glow or her baby bump. she missed my whole pregnancy and now I'm gonna miss hers. it sucks. I'm sad, emotional and sitting her thinking maybe that's why I've been having symptoms maybe I just knew and wanted and hoped it was me so badly that it slipped my mind it could be her. I am thrilled she's pregnant and I will be there whenever I can in person but always be there in heart and mind. I just wish it was me too. my husband and I aren't trying and I'm on bc so I know it won't happen anytime soon but I wish it would. I wish I was one of those rare statistics that got pregnant while on the iud. I want another baby I want a bigger family. but regardless of all that I am so happy for her. this is all she ever wanted in life and now it's coming true :) my best friend is having a baby!!!!!