im writing this more so to help me work it out and less for the responses, but feel free to comment your thoughts, of course.

ive worked at the bar im at now for the last year and a half. me and my boss were never great friends right away, but we had respect for eachother and other people would tell me about how hed praise me when i wasnt around. he never really outwardly acted as though he liked me very much though, so it was nice to hear those things.

well down the line we got closer, not a lot but i started to feel more like we were becoming friends. wed go out together with co-workers and friends more often, hed invite me over after work sometimes. and eventually on a few of those occassions we actually ended up hooking up. it started out slow. the first time i ever slept in his bed he kinda groped and sucked on my chest and then attempted to put his hand down my pants, but i said no and we just went to sleep. a few months pass, same situation but we end up actually messing around. another few months, we mess around again. in the past month we finally ended up having sex, i gave the okay. and then we did it again the next week. all of this was okay, and it didnt create anything weird.

but this past saturday...oh man. i fucked up. he, another coworker, and myself were drinking together at the restaurant and having fun just listening to music and dancing around after the bar closed. i went from 0-hammered somewhere late in the night. i randomly asked him to kiss me, but while the other person was still there. (he doesnt know she knows, or he didnt). so he just looked at me, kind of amused and said no. i asked him why not? and he said "dont do this." still still with some humor but also in a firm way. and i dont really remember everything but somehow i made his neck bleed i think? maybe i scratched him, idk.

but understandably, he got really mad and we started kind of yelling at eachother although idr what was said. and he ended up just leaving pissed as hell and went home. by the time he left i was sobbing lmao.

the next day i texted him asking if we could talk about what happened and so i could apologize. he said he was still pissed and wanted to be left alone. i said okay and id give him a few days before i reached out again. on that day he says no to meeting up but i can talk to him before my shift the next day if i want.

well he gets there late so i CANT. its the day after that now and i just feel....kinda frustrated. i know it was in bad judgement to fuck my boss, im aware. but its a common thing in this industry tbh. i also know its not the best idea to drink with your coworkers and boss because anything can happen. but its just....what they do together where i work.

im just upset that i really didnt mean to hurt him, and i want to make things right but its like....he wants to punish me passive aggressively by not allowing us to talk and letting me apologize. i feel badly about what i did. i want to address it so it doesnt blow up later down the line. regardless of the fact that we slept together, i do really think hes a great person and respect him as my boss, i just want to make it right. :(