back and forth

sooooo basically i’ve been talking to this guy on and off for the past year or something. the talking never really lasts long, like a month and then he gets distant. he either gets bored or hooks up with his ex(which is what happened last time)

each time we stop talking it gets a little easier but it still hurts to have him just up and leave me

but we’re kinda on again and honestly he’s the worst texter and ik that. i don’t know if it’s that he just doesn’t care, he see my texts and ignores them, or he just forgets which i mean i forget sometimes too

but today i sent him “merry christmas💓” and he answered a couple hours later with “merry christmas love💕” which like almost made me cry bc he hasn’t called me something endearing since one of the first times we talked and he rlly doesn’t show like emotions and shit well sometimes so i was just so happy and those are our hearts we always send to each other

but now he’s just pulling away again and the conversation seems strained but then sometimes it’s not and he’s so into me and what i have to say

like when we first started to talk again a week ago (ish) he said how much he kissed me and how he wanted another chance with me

but i never know how long its going to last or if he’s going to hurt me again

i seriously can’t let him go or leave him, but i don’t know how to make him stay :(

and he leaves for college after this year and i don’t want him to just stop talking to me uhh i just can’t leave him or not be with him