I’m so scared she is going to show up. She is due today...

This is my second month TTC and also my second full month off bcp. Last month AF showed right on time. The night before there was super light pink spotting so I knew she would be here in full force the next day (day she was due).

This month I had no spotting last night. Nothing so far today. Every time I go to the bathroom I say a little prayer that she won’t be here.

I have to admit, I feel guilting for hoping soooo much and being so scared this isn’t my month when this is only my second month TTC and there are others who have been trying for way longer.

I haven’t had any pregnancy symptoms that I can confidently name. I’m always tired, but that’s normal. I’ll have a spot of nausea, but that’s normal. I have stuffed my face with food this last week, but with the holidays, that’s normal! I’m emotional, but I feel like most girls are. When I start thinking about how desperately I want to be pregnant I can start to cry because I want it so bad.

My boobs have not hurt. I feel like this is the first sign and one of the biggest symptoms that defines early pregnancy and since I don’t have that, I don’t think I’m pregnant.

I’m trying to stay positive, but then I risk getting my hopes up. Such a catch 22.

I had to watch college friends post their pregnancy announcements yesterday. They had “surprises”. I just want my completely planned pregnancy with my husband. In our house. With our two salary incomes. I say this to emphasize how ready we are. House ✅ car✅ incomes ✅ marriage ✅ healthy relationship ✅ family that’s ready for more kids ✅

My family doesn’t know I’m TTC and my mom and oldest cousin keep making comments about wanting more kids in the family and how they are “ready” for my to have a baby. All I can do is laugh and tell them to bug my brother. They don’t realize how much I want to be pregnant and how hard their comments are on me. I’m happy they are ready. I am too! Mother Nature please do your thing!! This baby is already so loved before conception!!

Sorry. This is my rant for today. Trying to pass the time and keep my spirits up.

Anyone have kind words/ positive uplifting thoughts for an anxiety ridden want-to-be-mommy-to-be?