Confused

I have days where I don’t want to get out of bed. I find myself staying up super late & still wanting to sleep in knowing I have work in the morning. I️ lost interest in my job but mostly because I know my job keeps me from having a life. I constantly look for new jobs but I’m too scared to actually apply because I feel like I’ll fail. There’s days where I’ll just sit there and overthink myself into a bad mood. I try to keep myself busy to avoid that. I’ll zone out while driving, talking to people, or whatever I’m doing and I don’t realize until I see I wasn’t even paying attention. I wonder if my family will miss me if I’m gone. Days I come home from work I will eat & go to sleep the rest of the day and be up all night. Even when I have enough hours of sleep I don’t want to get up. If it weren’t for having to take my dogs out and feeding them I would probably stay in bed. I was molested as a child by two family members. I was in elementary school & molested again in middle school. I have such low self esteem where I will eat my feelings away or actually starve myself because I feel guilty from eating so much. I’m so protective over my siblings because I don’t want the same thing to happen to them. There was a moment where I did not want to talk to my mom at all because I feel like she should have seen the signs. She should have paid attention. Then I become angry at the world and I start crying and having suicidal thoughts. I’m not happy where I’m at in life but I don’t have the strength to actually do anything about it because I️ feel like it’s pointless. I️ just feel stuck...