please no judgment i have alot going on..

okay, i have alot of problems have had them since god knows when, i fight depression and anxiety and alot of other things. i got married at 16 i was pretty much forced into it by my mom, yes i loved my boyfriend and the time but i moved to quickly in life.... i dropped outta high school (biggest mistake in my life) i got pregnant and well it went on from there. ive been through sooo much with my husband literally thick and thin, we have fought and argued and calles names we were both young and very very childish he was 18 when we got married. we grew up alot together im now 18 and hes 21 ive known him since we were kids. but i feel empty anymore like i dont want anything yo do with him. i feel like im with him cause of guilt, i feep guilty cause he used to drive 2 hours to see me when we were dating, he made sure i had food and clothes and everything i needed cause my parents didnt do a very good job of it. i feel guilt cause he waisted all that money of a peace of shit lile me who cheated on him when i was 16 he knows it when it happend cause i told him when it happend. he wanted to work through it so we did. anyways up to date i feel like i use him cause of the guilt im in, i love him then again i feel like i dont. he can do so much better than me in life, but i dont wanna see him with anyone else, i think about killing myself all the time my son ia the only one keeping me going anymore. some say i need on medication but when i take it i feel like a pill poper. im sorry to bother everyone i just am so confused and lost in life, i dont know what to do or what to say. i literally give up, this man is an amazing man any women would be lucky to have him im lucky i got him but i dont deserve him, he deserves better im sorry ik im complaining just had to vent....