Hey, long ass question here but I’m wondering if anyone can relate.

So I’ve been struggling to actually finish when my boyfriend and I have sex, and he takes it super personally, to the point that I’ve been faking orgasms for TWO years. I’m super honest and transparent with him in every aspect of our relationship-except this. This weekend he asked, probably for his own benefit, if maybe we could try out something new (like go to Spencer’s and buy something), and I was all for it—I’ve been wanting to switch things up for some time but didn’t know how to ask.

I’ve been wanting to try this ring with a vibrating nub on it so he wouldn’t have to use his hands and we could finish at the same time, which is really all I could want. As soon as we got there and I pointed it out he said no right away. He’s concerned that if I like it and it works for me I won’t want to have sex without it ever again and he doesn’t want to compete with a toy.

My question is, what’s wrong with that? I haven’t been enjoying sex and if this is what does it for me, why wouldn’t he want me to finish too?

I know that probably sounds selfish but beforehand I said I was gonna buy myself a vibrating dildo for when he’s not around (we’ve recently adjusted to a long distance relationship) and he said no to that too—because it’s “bigger and does more than he can do” and he thinks if I masturbate with something really great sex with him won’t be as great. Is he really trying to tell me I can’t even get myself off for the sake of his self-esteem??? I had to count to fifteen before responding to that.

We were in public I could say at the moment was “no, of course sex with you is great, you could never be replaced by plastic, etc. etc.” but honestly? If this is the only way I’ll enjoy sex I want to tell him to put his masculinity aside for the both of us and let ME get something out of it for once.

Again, communication is a strong suit of our relationship except for the bedroom, because he’s crazy insecure. So I know y’all will probably tell me to suck it up and be up front but our time together is always so short and I’d hate to spend our one day a week together arguing (we usually don’t fight or bring up touchy subjects over text or FaceTime as a rule).

The fact that I’m even having this issue with him blows my mind. Has anyone else had a boyfriend who found a problem with masturbating or using toys?

Thanks 🤦🏻‍♀️