Although I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was 4, in 2014 something more started happening. I became very depressed and also unable to concentrate. I was diagnosed with depression and put on antidepressants at the age of 13. My mood swings became more intense and my psychiatrist suggested I may have bipolar disorder and sent me to a hospital. As someone who is extremely claustrophobic I did not enjoy being in a room with no openable windows, I wasn’t there for long. They let me out with a diagnoses of anxiety and depression. But without telling me, my psychiatrist continued to treat me for bipolar disorder. My parents were not pleased with her deception, refused to take me to her or any other psychiatrist until recently. This meaning I have had a chronic mental disorder that has remained unnamed and been seeing professionals for 3 years.

My new psychiatrist told me I had ‘a mood disorder, not just depression’ and subscribed me mood stabilisers. I still don’t have a full diagnosis and maybe never will. I most likely have a condition on the bipolar spectrum, but everything has been suggested from ADHD to OCD, I suffer from memory loss and apparently show signs of being sexually abused. It is just hard not knowing what is wrong with me and being told so many different answers none of which have been certain.

I have no groups I can join or anyone I can relate to because I don’t have a condition can be diagnosed.