First of all, apologies for the long post. Posting anonymously for obvious reasons. I spared no detail in this, original post, as it will not allow me to remain anonymous if I comment on or update the post. If you choose to comment, please try to be kind. Thank you for any input, in advance.

Back in April I took a break with my boyfriend "Jared" (using middle names for the sake of this story) of 4.5 years and struck up a rebound romance with a mid thirties delivery man, whom we will call "David". Shortly after my break up with "Jared", "David" invited me to come out to a bar where he was playing music. I had already spent many nights at home crying and thought it may be a healthy change to go out and have some fun. I show up and had a few drinks to loosen up while David played guitar and I listened from the bar. After his performance, he met me at the bar and we did a couple shots and had another drink. It was only about ten o'clock and I was feeling pretty buzzed, and very bold. We had chemistry and he was quite alluring. So when he asked if I wanted to leave, I eagerly accepted. Not anywhere close to my character, but I was hurting, I was horny, I was drunk. I have needs. (I have 1 million explanations, but I am not here to defend my "honor", I am here to tell the truth.) He then went to a friend's table and whispered something to him, coming back with a key. He explained he had been staying with his sister after the divorce and his friend offered his apartment for more privacy, should the need arise. It did. We had marathon sex all over the friend's apartment that night and on one other occasion. Sometime in late June, I discovered (overheard) that my new lover was/is still married, even though he lead me to believe that his marriage had been rocky for the past 2 years. I asked him about it and he shrugged it off. Adding, he and his wife had divorced since "she had no interest in being intimate since the baby" and "has a shopping problem". There are always two sides to every story, and I felt it was likely I was being lied to. I broke off the brief union and distanced myself.

The following week Jared stopped by one night, unexpectedly with a bottle of wine and we started talking again. We decided to officially reconcile our relationship in early July, and Mr. Married faded away after a few of his texts go unanswered. No big deal.

Meanwhile, Jared and I pick up from where we left off, only a few short months before, and begin to work through our serious existing issues (like money, career, relocation, starting a family etc). We come to some new compromises. Communication is stronger, sex is better. We have always loved each other deeply, but we have both been a weird-tempestuous mix of stubborn, fear driven and codependent. We have finally learned from our past(s) and see what's at stake. No one knows me like he does. There is no other I would choose to spend my life with. And he has overcome so much to become the man I can't live without.

I agreed to move out of state with Jared and the new private practice he is founding. It was a whirlwind of a reunion. He agreed that we should not waste any more time and proposed in early August. I quit my job and we spent all our days together, packing for our move and making up for lost time. It was quite special to go through all of our possessions and the memories that they stirred up as we packed. It prompted several passionate "breaks" between packing and taping boxes.

Now, I must confess something here. Even though I have been nothing but saturated with joy to be back in the arms of the man I love, there was a sliver of me that was very pissed off, upon hearing about Mr. (Still) Married. Not because I had any lingering feelings for this dirtbag delivery driver, but because I had been lied to. And I had been used. Even worse; I had been used to hurt another person without my intention or knowledge. I had to know. I had to know if he really had been married the whole time. Curiosity got the best of me and I googled his name and pulled up his address. (Something I have never really thought to do before.) One evening in mid-late August, I detoured on my way home and drove past. There on the corner, in the driveway, was his car; along with a Barbie jeep and some other toys. I was infuriated. I'm not proud of myself for this, but I may have ran down his mailbox with a moving truck. Oops. I know it was wrong and a "crime" but it made me feel better at the time, if only slightly. 😐

The moving date approached. We had most of our things on the way to our new home. We were staying on an air mattress in my empty apartment and counting the days until we would follow our belongings to a fresh new start. It's just what we needed. Apparently, fate also thought we needed some added excitement and I was blessed with a BFP that week! Jared is over the moon, and I can't even describe my feelings. It's a dream actualized and I have wanted nothing more than I want this!

I couldn't wait to drop by the shop where I have worked for years to say goodbye to all my coworkers and share the LATEST good news.

Then one of them casually brings up the delivery guy. Saying (in regards to pregnancy) "it must be going around; the UPS driver said yesterday, his wife is expecting number three." I stood frozen. I felt all the color drain from my face. Concreting a smile. Trying to hide my true reaction.

Oh sh*t.

This timeline.

Most of the ladies at my work knew him by name, as he had made regular deliveries there for about a year. But no one knew about the flirting that had led to the circus inspired sexcapade that occurred a few months before.

This was the first time I thought about the possibility that my baby may not belong to my fiancé! This secret has been killing me for months now!! I have gone back and forth with myself about whether or not to tell him. I have to tell him, but who does that help? Will he leave me? Will I raise this child alone? How do I tell him this?! I'm riddled with guilt and pain and so, so many questions. Do I tell the delivery guy that it's possible he fathered my child? I hadn't even confronted him about his careless use of me to cheat on his wife. I hadn't even thought about him, apart from that curious mailbox incident. And now, knowing his wife is pregnant with their third child?! I never signed on to ruin a family!! But if I was her, I would want to know. I'm just not so sure I would want to hear it from the "other woman", who was but a few weeks ahead of my own due date. How tf did I become an "other woman"?! My purpose is not to cause this woman any pain. I don't want her to think I'm intentionally trying to cause her family problems. But her husband may have gotten another woman pregnant! Oh, and it gets better. The wife works with my sister in law, (I have recently discovered thanks to a holiday Facebook post.) Even though we have moved away, my fiancé's family insists that I have the baby at the same hospital where my sister in law (and the delivery driver's wife) work. Fml. So here I am. New home, new city, and happily engaged to marry the man of my dreams -and expecting my first baby. Buuuut...I'm going into my third trimester, directly ahead of the ex-fling-I-had's wife who may possibly be carrying my child's half-sibling. Someone, -quick call Jerry Springer. I mean, if this scandal gets out in that little country town, it may as well be televised. Right? 🙄

I didn't cheat on my husband to be, but I have to tell him this terrible secret that may end us. I don't want to imagine my life without him. If I don't tell him, (which I know I must to make it right) I would risk him finding out (about my casual rendezvous during our hiatus) through his sister, if the wife eventually gets wise to her husband's extramarital activities and confides in her coworker.

I never meant to get in the middle of any of this. I'm so lost on what to do and my hormones are not helping at all. All this stress cannot be good for the baby, I know. I need to make the right decisions and pay the consequences of my actions. I don't need any Judge Judys telling me about how badly I screwed my life up with a careless mistake. Trust me. I know, I got me into this mess. Even though my intentions were innocent, and this could easily happen to anyone who isn't perfectly careful. I have to face the music. But to what end?? Do I confront the driver? His wife? Leave it alone? What if you were the wife? What would you want? What would you do in my position? I need some GOOD advice. I can't confide in anyone I know without serious immediate repercussions. I just need to talk this out. I need some unbiased perspectives.