The most hurtful thing he has ever said...

My boyfriend of 2 & 1/2 years and I broke up recently. It hurts like hell, but I’m trying not to let the hurt consume me too much. Anyways, when he left me I wanted to hold on to some hope that maybe one day in the future we would be able to work things out and find our way back to each other.

What we had was raw and genuine and passionate and all consuming. Everything I could have ever wanted out of a relationship.

Now, here’s a little back story. We broke up literally this time last year for about 2 months. He had a lot of personal stuff going on that he needed to figure out and didn’t want to drag me down with it. He said he also knew that he wouldn’t be able to make time for me while any of it was going on and I didn’t deserve to be put on the back burner and deserved someone who could make the time for me that I deserved. Anyways, even though we had broken up, I was still there for him as a friend because what he was going through, no one should have to go through alone. Clearly we ended up back together and were able to work things out and we were happy.

Now, he has left me again. This time around it’s because he just doesn’t want to be with me anymore. We had been having a lot of issues lately and instead of wanting to work them out and tackle them together he decided he didn’t want to do it anymore. He said that he just wasn’t happy anymore and didn’t want to try fixing the problem anymore because we’ve tried fixing it so many times in the past but it just keeps happening. So because of that he gave up.

He also told me that he didn’t want to ever be with me ever again in his life time.

Now, here’s a little more back story. Him and I had this agreement that if anything were to ever happen then we wouldn’t delete any of our pictures together. They were important memories that we had together and no matter what always wanted to cherish them.

This past weekend I discovered that he deleted every single picture and video that he posted of me and of us together in all of 2017. So he kept the pictures of our relationship from the first time around. From before he broke up with me the first time, but deleted every single one he posted since we got back together that year..

So I confronted him about it. And here is probably the most heartbreaking thing that he has ever said to me...

He said, “I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings by deleting the pictures from this year, but our entire relationship since we got back together was built on broken and empty promises. Especially promises of change that just continuously never happened. Our relationship was a sham and I deleted those pictures because I didn’t want any reminders and I quite honestly don’t want to remember any of it.”

Mind you, when he broke up with me. We both admitted that the “cons” area of our relationship was increasing as to how many issues we were having, but we had BOTH agreed that despite the fact the number of cons increasing, all of the pros outweighed it every time.

This whole time I wanted to have hope that in the future (“Future” being the key word) we would be able to find our way back and work things out...but now I’m not so sure.

I don’t really deserve to have someone i spent going on 3 years of my life with to tell me he basically regrets our relationship.. it’s extremely heartbreaking. And he was extremely rude about it too...

I love him with all my heart and my soul. Every time I looked into his eyes I saw my future. Every time I was with him felt like the first time. And he was always challenging me to be the best version on myself.

I know I need to start moving on. Especially after what he just said..

I’m just having the hard time wrapping my head around the fact that he said he regrets it all and doesn’t want to remember any of it, but claims to still care and love me but just doesn’t want to be with me anymore. Like, I’m sorry, but why would you say something like that to someone you claim to have loved?

I just don’t know what to do.

He says he doesn’t think we can be friends, but will proceed to talk to me whenever we see each other at school. Or he will even go out of his way to text me. Or call me. He says he wants nothing to do with me and does those things.

I haven’t blocked his number, but I did eventually put it on ‘do not disturb’ that way I won’t get any notifications if he contacts me and won’t be tempted to answer him since I won’t see it.

I went into twitter and I didn’t block him or unfollow him, but I hide his posts that way it wouldn’t pop on my timeline.

I am still friends with him on Facebook, but unfollowed him so I wouldn’t see any of his posts.

And I’m still trying to figure out what to do with snapchat and instagram because there aren’t really any ways of hiding people so you don’t see them without having to unfollow or block them.

He has continuously been playing mind games with me.

This past weekend at a winter camp retreat we both happen to go. It was awkward, but we also had a few subtle intimate moments. And then there were times where he would outright ignore me and then others where he’d constantly be next to me and talking to me and asking me to join him as his partner in some games.

Then after this weekend was over is when he said those things to me ^

I’m hurting and confused and I don’t know what to do. I invested so much of my time and my life into this person and now it’s really over... I just want this hurt to be over with...