Lost my little one

I found out at just over 10 weeks my baby was measuring at 5 weeks and my hCG levels were going down. I’m supposed to have a D&C; in Monday. This is my first pregnancy. I feel so numb, and I’ve cried more than I ever have in my entire life. I’m fighting so hard not to pull away from my husband. I know he hurts too because he lost this baby too. I just don’t know how or what to feel. I’m so numb, and I guess in shock, that my legs don’t want to support me and I can barely eat. My head is killing me. I’m so numb and so heartbroken at the same time. I didn’t even get to see a sonogram of my baby. I have nothing to show for it. I feel like I could’ve done something better, like it’s my fault. All I can say to my husband is that I’m sorry. Every time I look at him all I see is the look on his face, the tears, of when he had to tell me.

Update: thank you all for the support and love. I never expected it. I had a D&C; yesterday and then my sister came over (driving over 2 hours to see me) just to try and help me feel better. Between her and her husband I was able to smile and laugh for a little bit. Most of my hurt seemed to be from having a baby sitting inside me and not growing or thriving. Today has been a bit harder- my sister had to go home and my husband had work and a doctor appt- but I think things might get better sooner than I expect. I know there will be hard days and I expect them, especially when it comes to being in places that have been made significant in this situation. On another note, I have a question. Did anyone name the baby they lost even though they didn’t know the gender yet? Did that seem to help you heal at all?