Broken doll

I broke down crying today. 1.I'm pmsing.2.because my ex messaged me "how was I doing" (i have grown to hate him) 3. my bff was in the ER but she's ok now. Ever been in a emotional rollercoaster where you despise men then as time heals you are happy and feel more forgiving? ok.... then, once you're on the right emotional track your ex slaps your face(metaphorically speaking) taking down all that hard work and strength you have been working on. while it just fades away again. and now you're at square 1..again.???... it's been happening a lot and I feel like I can't get a break. I try so hard and do my best to move on. I go out and get busy up to the point where he who shall not be named is out of my head and heart. I say I have grown to hate him because everytime I'm happy he shows up and then I start tearing up as it reminds me of the pain I still have deep inside this thick chest. Where that bubbly women who once loved him so much ended up disappointed and pushed away by that man. He broke me. The wound is still fresh it's like a scab that gets pulled off and it starts to bleed again... here I am crying again.. I know inside I made the right choice. I let go of someone I truly loved and protected but wasn't enough.... -don't feel bad for me. I just been needin to vent real bad. I didn't ask him to rescue me. I needed him to make my world brighter not darker.