Help!!

I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember and am on antidepressants. Lately I am so sad and agitated. Every little thing winds me up or irritates me! I’m really taking it out on my SO and am just trying my hardest to push him away. I have always pushed people away as every man in my life has always left. I don’t know why I do this but I do. I don’t know If im unhappy in myself or my relationship! I do know that I love him though 😒😔