How do you talk to children about death?

Question

Let me start by saying that if you have anything rude or nasty to say you can just continue by. My children’s father passed away from an overdose yesterday. They are 6 and 5. How do explain to them about what happened? This is very tragic, and I know he tried to get better for them. We are not together and haven’t been for a few years. They are expecting to stay with him this weekend and I just don’t have the words to tell them that he’s no longer here. If anyone has any advice or links to something I’d greatly appreciate it.
***thank you all for your kind words. I posted this elsewhere and everyone was so rude about it like I had any decision in his choice. You are all so helpful. I really really appreciate it. ❤️

Answer

My son is 7 and our 5 month old son passed away a month ago. It really depends on your faith and what you want your children to believe. We believe in Heaven and that we will see our loved ones again so that is what we focus on when discussing death. We are very open about it and he knows that he can ask any questions and not feel bad or embarrassed. He knows his baby brother is his angel now and is with him wherever he goes. I’m sorry your family is going through this. ❤️

Answer

First of all, I’m sorry this happened to you and your children. My dad passed away when I was 5. I remember it very vividly. My mom just told us that our dad went to be in a better place that isn’t on this earth. That is how she started the conversation. From there I’m sure your kids will probably have questions. I’m a family based therapist and have been around this conversation with families and it seems like the children might not grasp it at first but after a while they will understand. You just have to be up front with them that they aren’t going to see their dad anymore but it’s through no fault of their own or their dads.

Answer

I think honesty is best. Maybe not about the how, but definitely about the what. If you're religious, talk to them about how he went to be with God (or whomever you believe in). Or just tell them that he was sick, and he was trying to get better but he was just too sick so he passed away. And if it was me I'd make sure to remind them how much he loved them.

Answer

When I was a kid that age, honest was the best thing any adult ever was to me. My dad was heavily addicted to prescription pain meds, and he moved across the country when I was 6 to protect me and my sister from his habit. Many people tried to lie to me about why he left, saying he would be back after a vacation and a whole host of other things. I wasn’t stupid, I knew that he had problems. My mom finally told me the entire truth, and that helped me understand and move on more than any lie I was told. I didn’t see my dad again until I was 17, and I haven’t seen him since then. I’m 27 now. 
Kids aren’t stupid, they can handle a lot more than we give them credit for, and if they’re anything like I was as a kid, lying to them will only breed resentment. Honesty is hard, and I can’t imagine the difficult conversation you’ll have with them. I wish you the best of luck! ❤️

Answer

Have you thought about letting them see a family therapist, when my dad passed, I was 3. And I still remember it, and I went to therapy and it really helped me a lot.

Answer

Honestly, There are no right words. I would recommend Just sit them down and say something like daddy had an accident. He didnt make it and has gone to heaven. Keep it simple. Keep it clear that he is gone. You dont want them to think hes coming back. I cant imagine telling them. no matter how you tell them it is going to be devastating so dont put it off any longer than is needed. I am so sorry.

Answer

My dad passed away when I was 6 and I was always told that it was a accident but never told what had happened until I was 18. Family support is best and just hold them tight. I'd talk to their Dr and see if they have any options open for them for possible counseling or can put you in touch with those services. It is tragic when you lose a parent no matter how you lose them. Hugs to you mama and your kids.

Answer

they have a lot of children's books for younger kids to help explain death. I'd probably get one of those. I wouldn't discuss the details of his death until they were older and would understand better

Answer

My husband’s mom committed suicide a few years ago while we were living with her. Our first was only 4 at the time and they had a very special relationship. Having a hard time wrapping your own head around it, it is very hard to find the words to say to a child. We honestly were at such a loss we waited for a few days. Like another poster said, your faith will add some guidance. She struggled with bipolar depression on and off for a few years so we explained to her that sometimes even though someone doesn’t look “sick” their mind can be and can make them feel very sick even if you can not see it. We believe in God as well so we discussed heaven and how we will see her again. We did choose for her not to be at the funeral so her memories of her were not that. She also still doesn’t know that it was a suicide. She is just too young to understand that concept. I am so sorry you are going through this, I wish you and your children the best. My heart breaks for them. It just takes time and healing.

Answer

Honestly the best thing to do is to tell them the truth the most appropriate way for their age. Tell them their dad had something wrong and he did something he shouldn’t have, and it killed him and now he’s in heaven. You can add some things though, it all depends on your believes, some people like to say that when someone passes they turn into a bird or a butterfly, and then whenever your kids see one they’ll think it’s their dad coming to see them. But as they grow they should be allowed to know more about why and how their dad died, specially since they say having addiction problems is hereditary, it’ll really help them with life choices they’ll face when they’re older, so they don’t go down the wrong path like their dad did.

How do you talk to children about death?

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