Probably pregnant and terrified

So I'm diabetic and I don't take the greatest care of it. I've had a miscarriage last year due to a fall down the stairs at 12 weeks.

My blood sugar is definitely not where I'd like it to be right now, and my husband and I have only had sex 3 times this month, plus I am on the pill. I'm now 4 days late and growing more and more terrified.

I feel like if I am pregnant then this baby is doomed as my blood sugar has been horrible since my miscarriage last year. I feel like I'm starting out horribly as a mother already.

I'm so scared to take a test. I can't go through another miscarriage. It was a horrible experience. The "slightly heavier bleed and period like pains" are not at all what I experienced. I had a never ending miscarriage. I had "material" stuck in my cervix and so it kept contracting repeatedly until I nearly needed a blood transfusion. I woke up in a pool of blood and was rushed to the hospital where I was admitted for 4 days with excruciating pain.

I don't understand how this could have happened. I take my birth control, and I have barely had sex.

I am just so scared of losing this possible baby.

Just looking for some advice or encouragement of some sort :(