just me complaining

today is just one of those days, not even having anything to do with valentines day, that i feel like nobody thinks about me. im not perfect, but i try to make sure people feel included, listened to, and if i consider them friends, will do suprise gestures for them, help them, ect. i dont do these things with the expectation of having it reciprocated or thanked. but it would be nice if eventually i felt like the same considerations for me were made. im a giver without the opportunity of ever being a receiver lmao. eventually it just makes me feel unloved, unwanted, and unappreciated. i just kinda checkout and stop fucking with people or being social to avoid putting myself in those situations. then people think im aloof and a fickle loner. NO. its a defense mechanism so my feelings stay intact ffs