My First Pregnancy Experience..... So Far.

I am pregnant with my first child, and I’m alone. So, throughout my pregnancy I’ve had some messed up moments and a few good ones. I’m 21 years old btw. When I first found out I was pregnant I told the father of my child and almost immediately he wanted me to get an abortion. He kept insisting that I should he even tried to make me stress out and have one. At the time we were *together (read on to find what the asterisk is about). After I told him I told my dad. My dad by the way is a preacher can you imagine the pain there but not from me from him. He gave a lecture and said a prayer and his closing remark was “I have failed as a father”. Can you believe that????? Next I told my friend who recently just had her baby and she told me congratulations, I felt so much comfort in that one word. When I told my grandmother and aunt they said the same. I felt so much comfort from them. When I told my mom she said “this is some kind of horrible joke” right then and there I felt my eyes watering and tears rolling down my face. I told her that I had to go and that I’ll talk to her later and haven’t talked to her since. As of right now I am 14.5 weeks. When I was 12 weeks the father of my child told me that: when we first started talking he was with someone else and then we got involved and he winded up getting me pregnant. He said said he doesn’t regret it because he feels our son will be the best thing that happened to him. However he doesn’t want to be with me anymore and that he thought him and her were through. AND THE WHOLE ENTIRE TIME HE WAS PLAYING A ROLE and didn’t want to tell me because he didn’t want to break my heart. Also, he didn’t know how to tell me he was playing a role. This was the bombshell of a lifetime. I’m someone who believes in my husband and the father of my child(ren) being the same. That was obviously no longer in the picture. We were about to get an apartment together then a house around next year. We planned our lives together. We told each other we loved each other. Spent numerous nights together. I was soon to gain his last name. Then he left me to go be with another woman, the one he loves. Since that has happened I’ve been down, replaying everything and angry. I don’t want to rub off on the baby so I try to think of the good things but these days it seems like there is a lack there of. Thinking about our baby and what he will look like is my sun in all of this. I just hope it gets better from here.