My day started waking up to a dream. A dream I want sooo badly. In this dream I strive to be a mother. A great mother with so much love to give. In this dream I just found out I was 4-6 weeks pregnant. I was over the moon happy. And couldn’t wait to start this new chapter of my life.

Waking up from this dream. I had sooo many mixed feelings. I want to be a mother so badly. I was thinking that maybe Im dreaming this because maybe I am actually am pregnant. It’s been on my mind all day. Looking at every baby I saw today thinking I want that. Looking at every pregnant mother saying to myself. I can’t wait to experience that.

I talked to my husband about it. He just thinks since it’s been on my mind lately that’s only why I had that dream. Which probably true. But it makes me sad. I have this gut feeling that we won’t be able to get pregnant. My husband has diabetes and I think has an impact on this possibility. I really want to cry about it. I’m been kinda slacking on protection last couple of months. ( I don’t take the pill. We just use condoms) and month after month. Nothing. Just seems like some people forget protection once and they are pregnant and some takes longer but like the thought of the possibility of not being able to experiencing the one thing I sooo badly want to. Makes me just want to ball my eyes outs.