depression and anxiety destroying my life

I feel like there's no help there's no light at the end of the tunnel I'm just slipping further and further down and to this black hole. I reached out for help I am starting Counseling in 2 weeks I started a new antidepressant this week but I'm wondering if it's just all too little too late. I have an 18 month old and I feel like the worst mother ever I don't show him enough attention I'll give him enough of love I don't play with him enough or teach him things. I love him so much and wish that I had someone who loved him just as much as me that could take him because I don't deserve him I'm pregnant with my second and I feel horrible for this child because it feels everything I feel and when it comes out I don't know what it's going to be like because I've already ruined it. no I'm not suicidal I'm too much of a coward I'm scared of pain I have told the father of my children how I feel and that he may have to take custody so I do at least feel responsible enough that I did that I feel like a complete failure there are wonderful people out there in the world who can't have children and it's their one wish and here I am taking mine for granted sad and depressed and angry that God chose to give me gifts that I asked for depression is the devil I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. please if therethere is a God Save Me From Myself and save my children