how did you/do you cope with the fact of not having kids?

Question

just wondering if anyone had any tips for me? my husband made it offical that he no longer wants to try and have a baby and i am having a hard time trying to cope with the idea of never getting to be a mama.

Answer

Its harsh for sure, but my tip is talk to a divorce lawyer and find a man who wants a child (whether you adopt foster or have one biologically).

Answer

so my aunt, who is now past the point of being able to have children.  Told me how she regrets not having children, she sees me and my little sister grow up and her friends that had kids grow up but she always wonders what it would of been like. 
now she got married at 19 to my uncle and of course at the time they didn’t want to have kids, they are very into their hobbies and still are. 
But they did have very big fights about having kids (almost divorced, which i never knew about until she told me about her regrets), my uncle was very opposed and she was open to the idea. 
but what she told me was; even though she regrets not having kids, she wanted her husband more than kids. 
if you can accept that, and rather have a husband over kids, you can stay. if not, maybe it’s definitely something you guys should of deeply discussed before marriage.

Answer

I mourn for a day and then I got over it because I realized that there’s a lot better things you can do than have a baby, like adopt or spend your life helping others. basically focus on what your life can be other than reproducing. you can do great things.. you can be a mama to the world. 
now a days i decided i didn’t even want kids.. I spent years in child care. and i have no more interest in making a baby. when i was 4 i said i want gonna have a baby. and now as a 26 year old i’m understanding that 5 year old me was right. 😂
i’m marrying a man who also wants to go childless and we feel very relieved and content to live our lives this way. the trick is to focus on the things you CAN do.

Answer

To give you some thoughts about the other side with a similar situation - I feel like it's the opposite for me. I had always said I never wanted kids (I physically can't due to medical conditions and was happy about that, although I can get pregnant, I'll just die in birth), and my boyfriend agreed with me and said he didn't want them either. We've been together for 7 years and will marry within the next few years. We are very open but he always gave small hints of "oh I like kids" and "if I had a kid" . Meanwhile I'd always say things like "I'm so glad I'll never have children". Anyways, recently I told him that I feel like he just says he doesn't want kids to make me happy, to which he agreed. It made me feel kind of bad because I've always been open about not having or wanting them, but we got together at a young age and his opinion changed. I feel bad because it is something that I can never give him or WANT to give him. He told me that yeah he wants kids, but it is something he can do without and he would rather have me happy.

Answer

You married him for him not to have babies right?

Answer

Someone in the comments said something about kids being the sure next step in marriage. I wouldn’t say “sure next step”. My husband wanted to try for a baby as soon as we got married. I, on the other hand, have no desire to have one. At all. We both were like “dang we should have talked about this before, huh?” But the differing opinion in having kids doesn’t make us love each other less or make us want to divorce like someone else here mentioned. You gotta have clear, open communication. If he can open up, talk to him about why he doesn’t want kids. Try to be understanding, and then explain how that makes you feel and then just guide the conversation from there. There’s gotta be a reason or reasons. 
As an example, my reasons for not wanting children are bc I haven’t gotten to travel with my husband yet, and I don’t want to haul kids along or be pregnant and not want to hike mountains. I want intimate alone time with him and build on our relationship. Plus, he’ll leave for work every day and me, IM the one who’s gonna take care of them and lose sleep for them bc he’ll have to stay asleep to go to work at 4am. And finally, I have dreams. I have a purpose in life. I’m here on this earth for more than just birthing babies. I hate when people ask me “so when are you gonna have your first baby?” Like, my life isn’t just leading up to that moment, you know? 
So there could be many reasons. I compromised with my husband, bc I love him and know that he dreams of having kids, and told him we could start trying after three years. All I’m asking for is three years. I’m sure I’ll feel differently about them when I actually have them. He also compromised, bc he loves me, and said that he can wait three years. He promised to fill those three years with us. To take me traveling, to visit his home country, to focus on me, to take me out on dates, to help me set my life up for the things I want to do. It’s hard, but this is both of you in a relationship. Children change everything in a marriage, it’s not just about you and your wants anymore. Your husband is as much a human as you are, with many needs and wants as well. 
Hope this helped and good luck ❤️

Answer

Do not regret the things you did but those you did not do!

how did you/do you cope with the fact of not having kids?

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