Is it rude or it's okay...?

Question

To make a long story short, I had a missed miscarriage and a D&C; in December. I was 12 weeks exactly and they said the baby's heart had stop beating at 9w6d. I really thought I was out of the worrying since I've reached the 12th week. Guess I was wrong. This have put a really big toll on me. I was devastated and destroyed. I never experienced something that painful in my life and god knows I've been through shit.

My SO was hurt too but not as much as I was. He was fine like 2 weeks after. I don't blame him because I know everyone copes differently and men and women don't experience this the same way. I was the one who had to live this traumatizing D&C; and I was the one who was carrying the baby. But later on, he admit that the way he was seeing it is that it happens to a lot of people so it's okay and you have to forget this.

FORGET THIS?!?!?! How the hell am I supposed to forget my baby???? I was so hurt.

Meanwhile, is sister was pregnant too and we were only a week apart. We were living our pregnancy together. It was a really joyful thing. But then I lost my baby and she still goes on with her pregnancy. She was there for me when all this happened. She's been really helpful. But as time passed by, it became painful to see her. To see her baby bump growing and mine didn't. To see how she was and that I was supposed to be that way too.

She's having her baby shower next month. My boyfriend asked me if I was going and I said I wasn't sure... He became so mad and we got into a fight. He said I was just JEALOUS of his sister. SERIOUSLY DUDE?!??! And then he went on and said I wasn't ready to get pregnant again since I'm still grieving my first baby.

Clearly he doesn't understand at all what I'm going through... Why would I got somewhere so painful and where I'm gonna have to fake a smile again all day and hold back my tears all day.... Why would he want to impose this on me? That's disrespectful. Why would you want your girlfriend to suffer like this?

We are trying again to get pregnant and I am currently waiting to see if I am. Cycle day 43, 9 days late... I told him that if I was pregnant, it would change everything and I would go to his sister's baby shower. So what do you guys think? Am I rude for not going or am I right?

Answer

I think what you went through is not the easiest thing to accept. You are still grieving and there’s nothing wrong with that. However, you’re letting it affect aspects of your life that would otherwise be a joyful moment. If you were never pregnant, you wouldn’t be questioning your attendance at his sisters shower. You’d be there with a smile, supporting people you’ve invited to be a part of your family. By you saying maybe you won’t go because it will hurt too much now, you’re making it about you when the day is about her. In the end, it’s your life, your relationships and your decision. Nothing we on this app say matters as much as the people you spend your days with.

Answer

Sorry but I think you should go. Not saying it's going to be easy but it's the right thing to do.

Answer

I could’ve written this post. Missed miscarriage. Teacher next to me had due date 4 days later. I watched everyone excitedly prepare ( she goes on leave next week). Sitting through her baby shower last week was the worst pain. Now my cousin is pregnant. And here I am just starting to try again. It’s been so hard having it there in my face. My husband was the same, it’s sad, it’s life, let’s move on. We just grieve differently. 💕 lots of love, it feels good to know that I’m not alone. AF supposed to show ugly face today and I’m praying she doesn’t! I dunno how I will get to my due date if I’m not pregnant by then. ( I had to wait three months after d and c and then hubby insisted on another month since I was still “grieving.” News flash, I’ll never forget this.

Answer

I don’t think you were rude at all, HIS response was rude! As far as his sister, As a woman she should totally understand. If I was her I wouldn’t feel any kind of way. Like you said, Everyone grieves differently and at their own pace. Just because he got over it doesn’t mean you did. He should’ve been way more understanding. I am wishing you sooo much baby dust! ❤️

Answer

People grieve in different ways over different things. You have every right to feel the way you do, it's completely normal. You said your sister was really supportive, talk to her instead of your boyfriend. He needs to take some grief classes on how not to be an ass to people who are grieving.

Answer

Would he rather you go and break down in tears and possibly ruin her day then keep your distance to heal?!

Answer

I had a very similar experience, and I completely understand your feelings. I think you would regret not going to your sister's baby shower though. It will be bittersweet, but it's very important for your sister that you are there I'm sure. You can celebrate this baby together and know someday you'll be celebrating yours.

Answer

First I'm very sorry for your loss.      This is my story.... detail from detail. My sister in law was 5 weeks ahead of me. We had our gender reveal party together and everything. A week later i lost my baby at 17 weeks and she went on here with her pregnancy. Weeks later she would call me to come do her hairor just to be around her. I finally told her that I couldn't be around her at the moment, seeing her belly  and glow just would make me emotional. She understood. So COMPLETELY know what you are going through. Oh amd my husband agreed on any decision I made because he felt the same way as well.

Answer

Good luck beautiful, I’m 11days late now

Is it rude or it's okay...?

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