I apologize for the long post!

My daughter was born in may 2017, I had a bit of the baby blues I thought mainly because I had such a hard time nursing I gave up which I don't think my husband was happy about. Fast forward to late Sept/early oct, I started having nightmares and taking panic attacks, breaking down crying for no reason. I made an appt to see the dr but then felt better and decided not to go. After the holidays the nightmares came back and finally realized they were about my c section which was not a good experience but was not the Dr's fault, he was excellent. Had an appt for late Feb for the endocrinologist and had to cancel but the nurse called and said they were calling a script I had to start taking before I could be seen again in april. I asked if the deficiency could cause severe depression and fatigue and I was told it's probably ppd and to see a therapist. Almost a month later my episodes are getting worse to the point I zone out and have no clue what's going on around me and just can't function. I do have an appt with a new pcp tomorrow but I'm really worried I may have postpartum psychosis. My childhood memories are eating away at me, I've told my husband he needs to step up but I'm still afraid I may be hospitalized over this. I don't want anyone thinking I'm an unfit mother bc she has never been neglected and I'd never hurt her, I'm just so scared for myself