I feel bad 😓

I can't have sex, it's part of the equation. I'm a virgin and I've tried losing my virginity multiple times now but it just hurts so bad, so I have to wait to get myself checked out.

I have a boyfriend and we do things together but I just cannot stand returning the favor because he never cums from what I do. it makes me feel like shit, of course, but I could be doing my hardest and it won't satisfy him. I've tried everything, including researching different things but it's like... he never gets there. the only time he ever can really come is if he watches porn and does it himself (I think he's trained himself to be this way. he also has an issue with porn.) so I try to avoid sexual situations with him altogether. it's selfish but I feel it's fair. am I being stupid? is there anything I can do?