i wanna give up

Ugh, i dont know how to start but i am so depressed i feel like i am such a big failure i dont make enough money to support bills and even for myself my boyfriend of 6 years he always cover for everything and sometimes he thinks that i am taking advantage of him but i am not i am trying my best everyday to be positive but everytime its quiet or out of nowhere i will get depressed and i just wanted to die in my sleep, i cant get pregnant, i havent finished my HS diploma (although today i did signed up and passed for a scholarship) i feel like i dont believe in myself anymore, all my friends they dont say hi or they dont ask me if im okay even my cousins, i feel like i dont have any friends anymore or not even someone i can talk to not even my boyfriend because he doesnt like drama and stuff, he says he loves me but he told me to get my shit together with getting higher wages and not getting sick all the time, i am overweight i wanna go on a diet but everytime i feel depressed i stress eat a lot, i have problems at work i feel like they are being unfair to me, i feel so ugly all the time i always tell him but he says i am beautiful, i always yell at my parents i dont know why i am always moody i made my mom cry today because of something small she told me that i yelled at her and i told her that she should know thats how i talk i have a big husky voice that really sounds like i am mad to someone i dont know i feel like i am not good enough i feel like there is something wrong, i always write suicide notes and goodbye notes but i dont attempt on doing it but i do think about it. i dont know anymore i am such a loser, failure, ugly, fat person. :(