Changing myself for the better?

My dad has never been good at saying sorry. Heck, he’s never verbally apologized for the things he did, even when he knew that he was in the wrong. When I asked him to apologize for hurting my feelings on a menial thing, I was corrected by my mom. She said he is my dad, so he has authority. He was too prideful to apologize anyway. I saw how much that tore at the relationships within my family. I saw how he hurt my mom emotionally and, very occasionally, physically, and how he thought ignoring the hurt was ok. That we’d forgive him anyway. As time went on, I realized that it was difficult for me to admit my wrongs as well. Like him, more often than not, i kept silent. From the moment I realized this about myself, I vowed that I will never be too proud to say sorry. I will make apologizing a habit, because I am human and I make mistakes, and the people I hurt need to know that I feel bad for hurting them and wish I hadn’t done what I did. This was years ago.

Today I was sharing my umbrella with my friend when I bumped into her, so I apologized. She said, half-annoyed but kindly, “please stop apologizing so much. Half the time I don’t know what you’re apologizing for.” I fought the urge to apologize for apologizing, but instead, changed the subject.

I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. Did I succeed or did I fail? I’m not sure. But what I do know is that now I’m filled with a profound sadness.