Yup. I went there. I'm a recovering addict and Christian who, in the depths of my alcoholism, made that choice. I'm posting anonymously bc I want to feel free to be honest. I am so afraid to have a child. I'm scared of going to hell. I've lived most of my life in fear and I am NOT proud of any of this. I just wanted to see if anyone else feels the same. I'm in my mid-30's and it never gets easier.