WTH is going on?

I’m 38, single and never been pregnant. Life has been one giant anomaly for me.

The only man I ever loved, besides my dad, ultimately turned out to be a man-child I’ll-suited, at that time, for a mature relationship. He asked me to marry him, not me. I said yes bc I loved him. My childhood friend and high school sweetheart whom I’d known since we were 12, decided that I was “smothering” him. Hmm, I was in honors college working toward becoming a pediatrician, and holding down a full time job. We only talked on the phone and literally saw each other one day a week. 😶🤔🤷🏽‍♀️.

Truth is, at 23, he wanted to sample all the available female specimens whenever possible. That bird wanted to be free, so I put his cage outside my window and let him soar.

He came back years later, but discovered I didn’t want any more pets!!

In 2008 I went on a business trip that would change my life forever. As I was boarding a plane to return home, I passed out from septic shock. 1600 miles away from home, I underwent emergency surgery. A 12cm dermoid cyst ruptured in my abdomen. It wrapped around my left ovary. A few days later, I had surgery I remove my left ovary, on my 28th birthday.

Knowing the miracles of medical science and trusting my GYN, I never concerned myself with the possibility of never having kids. At 31 I decided to go at it alone. After six failed IUIs, I decided perhaps something was wrong. I sought guidance and “treatment” for infertility. I’ve been diagnosed with unexplained female factor infertility. Determined to conceive, I pushed on and added three more IUIs, mild stimulation IVF and full stimulation IVF. The closest I’ve gotten is a chemical pregnancy.

I’ve invested 60k it my own savings to cover all the procedures, testing and sperm. Not ready to give up yet. The recent discovery is the continued pain I have on cycle day one. My GYN and fertility docs all day medically there’s no reason for the pain. Try to convince me I’m experienced referred pain. NOPE!!! I understand transvaginal scans indicated all is well, aside from simple menstrual related cysts that go away on their own. But this pain is killer. I experience debilitating pain the first full 24hours my cycle starts. NDAIDS are the only thing to calm the pain, but I’ve since developed an allergic type GI reaction when taking them.

I’m not crazy, something is causing this pain monthly. I’d really like to know if anyone else experienced similar pain? Is there anything that can help me? IUD and birth control are NOT viable options. I still believe I will conceive. My faith won’t allow me to succumb to the indirect assumption that my dream will never come true.