Someone else found worth in what you lost


4/21/17 my whole world fell apart. I was lied to, cheated on, and got thrown away like trash. That following month I started “bettering” myself. The month after that I took him back into my life. For a month things were “back to normal” and then the arguing came back. Then came the depression and I completely lost love for myself all over again. That’s when I knew the whole time I was bettering myself I really wasn’t. I went back into the dark place I escaped from. The first pics you see are me trying to be different. This was me because he was bored of how I looked so I had to change myself. I would constantly feel like I was walking on eggshells. I’d be afraid to have a conversation too long or else he’d be annoyed, bored or I’d start a fight.

This picture is me after being in the hospital because I wanted to end my life. He cheated on me while I was there.

This was when I was trying to get my body back because I was too skinny according to him.

Here I started realizing how miserable I really was. I would spend so much money on clothes, on makeup, I’d constantly starve then binge and work my ass off at the gym so I can look good. So he doesn’t leave me. I wanted it all to end so I started eating more because I’d go to school feeling faint and I’d be having terrible migraines. I felt beautiful but to him I was “too fat.”

He called me fat in this photo ^

And then after months of emotional and mental abuse someone decided to slide into my DM’s one day:

I was so hesitant to try again. I was scared and at one point I told him “When I Love I give all in, I don’t need a man in my life. If you want someone just for now and you’re not thinking longterm I don’t need something temporary. If you want someone to be your wife in the future then I’m the woman you’re looking for.” When he told me he wanted to be with me longterm and that he didn’t want anything temporary of course my trust issues still remained. Five months down the road and we remain the same. I have never been so compatible with someone and I know I see myself with this guy not just for now but for a long run.

Our first date^

I was lucky enough to meet someone who has given me endless love and affection. Someone who didn’t judge me for my past and loves the person who I truly am.

He calls me beautiful from the moment I wake up and to the time we go to bed. He doesn’t tell me to go on a diet or that I’m too fat that I need to workout because I’m losing my ass. That I can’t be sad that I need to get help. That I’m stupid, annoying, sickening. I went from someone who literally tells me they’re sick of my face and can’t stand my voice. Someone who yells at ms and enjoys when i cry. To someone who gets hurt when i cry, who lets me know every minute of everyday how much he loves me. Who keeps his promises and treats me like a princess. I’m so proud that I’m finally happy.

And I wanted to share this for the people who are in unhealthy relationships or going through something difficult. No matter how badly you fall you will always rise up.