some depressed poetry

I'm a mess.

I am confident but jealous

I'm trustworthy but untrusting

I am beautiful but insecure.

How much pain can I endure

Some mornings I doubt myself

Some mornings I doubt my place

But everyday I manage to keep a smiling face

I'm on a seesaw going up and down but

When I am down I feel like I'm 6ft under

Claustrophobic I feel like I can't breathe.

I ask myself everyday what's wrong with me.

Hours and hours stuck in thought

Telling everyone I'm better even tho I'm not.

No matter how hard I try I keep getting pushed back

And when I break it turns into these panic attacks

Uncontrollable, a storm is inside

Sometimes I'd wish I'd just die

But all I can do is try. To be better at life.

To be trusting, secure, and left without doubt.

But I am a mess