I don’t wanna live anymore

I wanna stop this life was so amazing until I got pregnant and faced with a decision I never wanted to do. And that’s kill my baby I prayed for a whole year. If I take my child’s life I pray I die. I don’t wanna do this anymore I have been through a lot. Rape and miss-carriages and sexual abuse all my life. I can’t bring a baby into this world without a father. And he wants to be here but he can’t because he lives too far away and he says he’s not ready. Neither am I because I rather be in a relationship preferably married. But this just stopped my life completely I can’t do this. I can’t I don’t have a full time job I just got a car and I don’t have my own place. If I had my own place it would’ve been different I might’ve kept it but still no father figure. I’m trying so hard not to give up but I don’t have enough strength for this kind of battle. It sucks even more because I’m also a US Army Soldier.