I want to say I'm a good person, I help others when I can, I help any animal I see, I offer advice and listen to people when they need it. I spend so much time wondering why teenage girls just messing around seem to get pregnant so easily or why people that don't even want children can get pregnant so fast...I tried for 2.5 years before we had my son, and I know that compared to some people's struggles that is nothing but for me it was an eternity. My arms ached to hold a baby, my chest hurt because my heart broke every month I saw the negative tests, my eyes burned from the thousands of tears I cried...Trying now for number 2 and all I'm feeling is anger, jealousy, heartbreak. Having PCOS is so wholey consuming, everything I do revolves around that and how that may ruin my chances at what I want so badly. Every day <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android">tracking ovulation</a>, every month testing and with both always being negative I just want to scream, cry and throw things, to do something to ease this pain I feel. I ovulate maybe twice a year, years of testing and my doctor has said the same thing, but I still try and still hope even though I know how it will turn out. Reading all these posts about teens or women who don't even want kids getting pregnant and begging people what to do and how to change their fate makes my heart burn, makes me angry, makes me see red and lose all compassion. And I hate that, I hate the jealousy, I hate the anger even though under it I'm silently cheering for all of you, so happy and so excited for all of you. It kills me but I am also not mad or upset at you personally, more myself and my situation... I wish it could change, I wish I truly beleived this month was my month, but I can't.

Just had to vent and kind of silently hoping I'm not alone...