is this the marriage life? life is CRUEL.

Question

i have no hopes in marriage anymore, if i get a divorce, im done w marriages. my SO, how he keeps rushing into marriage when we were still dating, and refuse to wait til i finish my 2yr degree and get my license. i ended up marrying him shortly after dating him, like 5mths after. he then rushed into having kids, cause he said hes getting old. i refuse cause i wanted to be independent 1st by knowing how to drive and get a career, but he insisted it so i did it to save our marriage. he was only 25, i was 19. been 4yrs now, 2 miscarriages, and 2 son. he insisted i be a sahm, i also did that for the sake of our marriage. now that we have kids together, he hates being married to me, hes threatened to cheat and divorce many times, it was a mistake to marry me, im trash, he regrets everything, i make him depress and stress, i make him hate life. he isnt afraid to lose me. all that because he said im too stupid, i cant help him do shit, and i dont have my license yet. THIS IS WHY I DIDNT WANT TO MARRY OR HAVE KIDS YET, NOW LOOK WHAT HAPPENS. he was married twice and they both left him. he was my 1st ever. all his fam ever does is bad mouth him to me, and i disregarded all of it. my love for him is so unconditional. i dropped out of college for him and i got suspended and cant go back anymore. i lost my friends, my family! my dreams are only dreams now... i lost myself, my body... in the end i get this... 😔 life is so cruel. yes i did this to myself, and idk how to end it wout regrets.

Answer

This isn’t what marriage is supposed to be like. 
Furthermore, I’m sorry that you regret your decisions, but it takes two to tango.
You could’ve told him you weren’t marrying him until you got your degree, and if he didn’t want that then you honestly shouldn’t have stayed with him. Nobody is worth your personal happiness. 
Don’t pin this all on him, or on marriage as a whole. You had your choices to make and you made them.

Answer

I am so sorry you’re going through this.

Answer

If HIS family is badmouthing him to you then he's definitely bad news. It's not too late, get a job save up enough money for a small apartment and leave. Also get your license before you leave! Make it a top priority! You CAN do it all! You can get your license, get a job, leave his stupid ass and go back to school. There are daycares at schools and for free if you apply and are elegible. I'm in school with many single moms and they kill it, so can you!

Answer

I'm sorry that you're in such a shitty situation, but he didn't force you to do anything. You chose to marry him, you chose to have children, you chose to put your own life on hold.

Answer

So let me ask you this question... what is it that you want to do now? Your first red flag was marrying young. When you where not ready. I know that you wanted to finish your education and build a life for your self. So I’m going to say this even though I don’t know you, stop blaming your self, stop blaming your husband and most importantly stop blaming his family. This is what you are going to say to your self:  what’s done is done and I  cannot undo the past. You have two children to think about and a life to live. You say that you wasted four years of your life in marriage, which will make you what 23, 24 now? Both you and your husband are still young. The fact that he used  excuse of him getting old, that was a clear sign that he was not ready  to settle down. He should have used that time to get himself together. 
  
    So you ask yourself where does that leave you? How do you move forward. I say take one step at a time. First I’m not sure if you share expenses with your husband or if he is the sole breadwinner of the family. But  starting today you are going to make a healthy life improvement plan ( via spreadsheet, chart, list whatever you like  to do). You stated that you where in school completing your education, and suspended. Well if that was truly your dream you can do it. You are going to research ways to get back into school.  ( which includes aid, online classes, ) anything you can do now until you can go back to your degree. ( a back up degree, etc.) This is very important to do. You are also going to take stock of your finances.  If you have a saving account find ways to add to it. 
    
     If you are planning to divorce your husband, do it in a amicable way. I know that this will be costly, so  research online in your state lawyers that can provide and guide you on your next steps. You are also going to want to decide things such as custody of children, personal assets, etc. if you have a job or do not have a job you will want to think securing one and to think about having your own space when you separate. If the two of you decided that marital counseling is the way to go, then of course your husband has resentment of bringing you into his life at such a delicate time. But you have to ask yourself do you see this relationship as healthy journey to continue. I know that not every relationships are perfect. But you should do what is right and fair for you and your family. 
  Know that you do have a tough journey ahead of you but, you can start by taking the first step forward... in a small way. Never underestimate what you can accomplish in a short period of time. Because right now you are selling your self short, and you do not deserve that. All you need to do is to seek the right help, and guidance to bring you into a better, healthier, happier you. By posting your concern on here you are taking the first step. To trust compete strangers to give you advice. You need to  regain your self worth. I would also try to reach out to anyone who can help you regain and develop your career skills back. I’m not sure as to what you where working on but I feel that you should never give up on that. 
  I know you stated that your husband wants  you to stay at home, but I don’t think that will truly make you happy. Maybe try to talk about what you would like to do with him. And if he gives you a hard time about it then you know where you stand on your relationship with him. Know that it is not your fault in how your relationship turned out. And his family should not degrade you in any way, you are the mother of his children and whether they like it or not will be apart of your sons life forever. So they need to get over it. You have to put your foot down and stop the disrespectful snide remarks. Do it in a classy, respectful way. And if they give you hell, well honey use that fire and shut them down quickly. I believe that you deserve better. It may not seem like it now, but you will move onto bigger, better things. So what ever you decide to do you are going to do it with dignity, with your head held high and move on like you are the CEO of your life.  You are going to make that plan and execute it. 😏💝 remember your life is not over, it has only begun. Good luck and god bless. 😏🎓💐 
    P.S. you should also get in touch with some trusted family members that can help you. And make new friends that you can trust.

Answer

It’s never too late to start over. & forget having regrets, it’s time to get your life back!

Answer

Call 1-800-799-7233 for help getting away.

is this the marriage life? life is CRUEL.

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