My husband

I have to get this off my chest. And I am not replying to anything, so..

My husband, over the course of a year, has done a complete change in his body. Lost 100 lbs, got veneers, is working out, etc. He looks great! His self confidence is as high as ever.

But here is the kicker. And maybe it’s my own fault, because I engage and have for our entire relationship. We have a very intense sex life. Like threesomes with men (SO is straight). He controls this 100%. Well recently, I would say for the past couple of months, he keeps mentioning girls, how they look at him, how he looks at them. He “jokes” about having an affair. I tell him over and over that it makes me uncomfortable and it’s disrespectful, that I would never say these things to him or intentionally look at men. Twice now he has deliberately spoken to women about threesomes, because he wants to “help” me (I’m bi-curious and would LOVE a threesome with a female, but I expect the same control that he has with men ). I tell him I don’t need his help and please do not do that. But he does. And when I do voice my concerns, he reacts with “I can’t tell you anything” or “I want to feel comfortable telling you anything”, which is fine, but uh... can’t I do the same and give you my feedback??

So what I am trying to figure out is this: what he does is not under my control. I can’t. I can talk to him over and over again, but obviously it’s not working. So what can I do? Let him be and focus on my own emotions and reactions to it. How I feel won’t change a thing in what he is doing, but what it will do is shift my own mind to myself and I guess be prepared for any situation. Worst case, yes, he has an affair. I will leave. Best case he finally stops and calms his huge ego. We move on.

Please be gentle if you reply. I know this may be weird to some, but idk what to do. I just need to vent it out.

Btw, i have also lost a 30 lbs and do my best to “match” him. I honestly don’t feel insecure, but more so confused and wondering why this is happening.

ETA: I guess my issue with this is the lack of listening on his part, because I know 1000% that he would not like it if I joked about having an affair. God he would be pissed, and especially if I tried to “help” him find a guy to play with. 😖 I can’t even imagine his reaction, but the thing is, it’s common sense to me not to do that and ruin his fantasy. I want to have fun with him, with girls and guys, and I really don’t care if he checks girls out or appreciates their looks back. It’s totally natural and I’ve told him I actually expect that. It’s how he is reacting (by initiating sexual conversation with women, and consistently “joking” about cheating on me) that is bothersome. And I’ve communicated that to him.

Sorry! I just wanted to clarify my issue.