Let me start by saying IM NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING I just really need to say it instead of thinking it

I’ve had struggles with depression all my life and this pregnancy has me feeling worse. I’ve never been on meds for it I’ve always controlled it myself. Lately I have been having horrible thoughts that I know I shouldn’t. I’m going to the doctor Monday but I have no one until then. My husband thinks I should be happy (I am it’s just hard) I work in mental health so I can’t say how I feel there without being judged by my coworkers. I’m struggling big time, I can’t think about functioning at the moment. I came home and went to bed and left my husband to cook and feed the kids. I just can’t seem to get myself out of this funk I’m in