worst nightmare comes true

one thing I wished would never happen to me was being raped. well that is exactly what happened and it was someone I have always had feelings for. I told him not to come to my house. he knew I was alone. he mocked on the door while we were still on the phone. whe. I opened it he just walked in. I was telling him he shouldn't be here he has a girlfriend I have a boyfriend. I have already been drinking prior to him stopping over and very emotional so I started also talking about things that were happening in my life all while I had music playing in the background. a song came on and the drunk bitch in me stopped what I was doing and was like heyyyy this is my song and started singing and being goofy. I was still taking shots and realized I was way to drink. I told him I was going to be sick and needed to lay down. I lay on the floor and he helped me to the couch...that is when things went south... I told him no and begged him to stop. he didn't quit until I got my hands out of his grasp and punched him in the face and called him a rapest. he then beat the shot out of me and choked me. he threatened to kill me his girlfriend then himself but couldn't bring himself to hurt me like that because he lives me to much. I had to beg and plead for him to not hurt me anymore and that I wouldn't tell anyone. he ended up taping me again after that but I couldn't fire any longer. he asked why I was acting like I didn't enjoy it and I could cry if I wanted to. I then cry uncontrollably and he gets off of me. I walk to the shower without saying anything and begin to get ready for work. he told me how awful my face looked and i told him i was fine I'll just cover it with makeup. he fell asleep as i was doing my makeup and i left and went straight to the hospital. he was arrested within 24 hours of the incident! I told my boyfriend what happened and hes pissed at me for even letting him in. I hate myself for letting him in! I didn't want him there in the 1st place and it led to me being raped and attacked! I was in denial for the 1st day but today it is starting to really hit me. idk how to fill this empty feeling. I feel so small and broken. I don't know what to do or how to feel better. I have an amazing support system but I still feel so empty.