It really feels like dying, Do I need help

I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years now,

There’s nothing like it started with love or anything

It started with one sided attraction which I didn’t bother much

But I was so young that I could differentiate and know what the other world was

My family was always a very disturbed one

Never lived a normal childhood

When I was 13 my grandma passed away who I was the closest and felt like I have no one

Tried speaking to a few friends but they never thought I was serious

And family issues even increased

My parents are never loving but they do support at times or maybe they never show

I met this boy I started to feel attracted and loved

I didn’t know he was into drugs

When I understood what those things were it was a little late I guess, it had been two years and I was w him by then

He did raise hands and hit me , I took it and I thought it just might be the drugs because he showed love but still all those things were happening, he went to a rehab and I totally supported him to stop drugs intake and I convinced him life is just not that

We were happy for a year with nothing wrong happening, suddenly the past things started happening again, anger issues, hitting, abusing in public , all of it when I totally supported him , maybe in anger I have said a few things that hurted him but I couldn’t bare looking at those wounds and all that behaviour, I didn’t know why would he do the same after not taking drugs and being in a rehab

It’s been 4 years now, yesterday he just hit me because I was uncomfortable he touching me in public, he started yelling in public that he has the right to touch me wherever he wants and he could do anything I just Handled him because he was very very drunk, later he started abusing me and started sharing out sex lives in front of his friends, I was so embarrassed and I just feel like dying and running away so many times but when I have felt so much love from him and I can’t ignore it don’t know why but I don’t feel like leaving him, I still have a feeling that he needs help and support, I spoke to his family they are supportive towards me but I feel so so bad that why is he like this, his mother was under abuse with his father, he got tired and divorced him but still stays wi h him because his father ha cancer, there is so much on the plate I don’t know how to cope up, his father was ji the same towards his mother and my boyfriend saw everything, his childhood was not normal too and I just feel so bad for him and that hold me back from staying w him, I really don’t know what to do